Yes, moms and dads at your wit’s end, constantly searching for a decent sitter who won’t monopolize the phone, screw up your TiVo and leave your house smelling like fried opossum—your solution is before you: the sperm whale!

As scientists have recently discovered, sperm whale mothers organize their babysitting sessions—much like human moms and dads do for carpooling—so they can take turns hunting for food. Apparently the commute of 2,000 feet below sea level to search for squid to eat is too much for whale tykes, so the mamas just take turns.

These babysitters are even more qualified than your average CPR-certified teen, too—they’re completely prepared to defend the whole pod against killer whales that follow them, hoping to nab a sperm whale calf for dinner. What babysitter could you pay to do that?

Highly sociable creatures, sperm whales have the largest brains of any animal and are known to sing together when they socialize. So these kids are probably being treated to some brainy tales and sweet lullabies, too.

And seeing that a sperm whale calf weighs about a ton and requires 350 pints of milk each day, well, watching your tot should be a snap. If you do choose to use sperm whale sitting, however, be sure to include a set of water wings.