June 2009

Global Whaling Talks at a Standstill

I have a solution to the global whaling debate:

Stop whaling.

Okay, I know that nobody’s going to go for that, but world leaders should at least have something in mind. So there’s only one thing to meet a standstill in whale protection decision-making like the one we saw at the International Whaling Commission this week: a very dramatic eye-roll, heavy sighing and possible gestures of disgust.

The thing is, there’s been a ban on commercial whaling since 1986—a ban that’s been completely ignored by Japan, Iceland and Norway. This complete disregard to the moratorium leaves the IWC looking like a complete joke—and, let’s face it, if they can’t enforce their rules, aren’t they?

Sperm Whales Make Great Babysitters

Yes, moms and dads at your wit’s end, constantly searching for a decent sitter who won’t monopolize the phone, screw up your TiVo and leave your house smelling like fried opossum—your solution is before you: the sperm whale!

As scientists have recently discovered, sperm whale mothers organize their babysitting sessions—much like human moms and dads do for carpooling—so they can take turns hunting for food. Apparently the commute of 2,000 feet below sea level to search for squid to eat is too much for whale tykes, so the mamas just take turns.